Butterfly Wings

These precious girls, they come.  Fragile.  Precious.  Pure Beauty.  Our butterflies.

Opening our home wide, our family.  They soar straight to my momma heart.   They have weathered hard journeys and foster care brings them to our garden.

In the past year, I have written less.  Lived more.  Adding four precious butterflies to our garden, time dwindles.  Floors get dingy.  Dust gathers.  Laundry multiplies.  Joy explodes.

Anne Voskamp grabbed the syllables lingering in my heart and penned them "How we open up our calendars and our doors and our schedules and our agendas and make room for people, because it is how we make room for God."

I long to make more room for my God.  Til he fills every nook of our home and every cranny of my heart.

My perfectly clean house has vanished.  Homeschool lesson plans have lost a bit of luster.  Meals have simplified beyond belief.  Toys have declared war.  But in the midst of the evident chaos, giggles erupt.  Lil princesses wrapped up in God's love, sing Jesus loves me to each other.  They twirl.  They worship.  They smile down deep.

Our butterflies.

A Momma For Today

I used to worry.  Kind of like a pig stuck in the mud, I wallowed around in the muck of worry and anxiety.  I can say that.  I lived it.  It stunk.

Then something crazy amazing happened in my life.  Four precious princesses walked through the door of our home straight into my heart.  13, 5, 5 and almost 1 (tomorrow).  My life turned upside down, right side up.

As foster momma to these precious girls, I have no idea what tomorrow may hold.  "How long will they be with our family?"  People ask all the time, meaning well, and I have no answer.  Maybe another day, a few more months, a year, this momma heart has no way of knowing.

Straight up in the midst of a year of battling to know.  of dealing with the uncertainty of it all.  of worry trying to hold tight to my heart.  God washed it all away with this ...

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  - Matthew 6:34

In all honesty, I knew this verse, highlighted like a rainbow, knew this verse.  I could quote it. sing it.  talk about it.  But when I read it in the midst of our foster adventure this year, it took root and I began to live it.

My girls need a momma for today.

A momma for today, to change diapers, fold laundry, and scrub pots.

A momma for today, to hug them, sing with them, and tuck them in at night.

A momma for today, to wipe runny noses, kiss skinned knees, and give extra snuggles.

Tomorrow will come.  I'll be ready for that day.  But my home simply needs a momma for today.  And that I can do.

And as always, I would be crazy honored to have you link up with momma notes.  I jot some on Mondays, but you can link up any day of the week (I get the momma, filled to to the brim, schedules)   Just mom.  Sharing our notes.  Creating a melody.

Snuggle Alarm

Years ago, morning brought these bright peering over my bed, waiting for snuggle.  I was blessed to forever hit snooze and ditch the alarm clock. Who could resist waking to precious children wanting to climb under the covers to snuggle and start the day wrapped in love.

In the past year, we have added four sweet princesses.  Our hearts and home are filled to the brim.  Hugs, snuggles, bottles ... my forever snuggle alarm.

As mommy and wife, my days can be filled to the brim of busyness vying for my precious time. The dishes, laundry, and unmade beds scream louder than the secret longings of little ones' hearts. I can rush out of bed to silence the chores and schedule that beckons. Or, I can choose to nurture hearts, create memories, spend time with my Jesus and our kidz, and simply snuggle.

I remember during a time of praise a 5 year old climbed on my back. Dancing gently, he held on to my shoulders and we worshipped together. In that sweet moment, I felt as if I was ushering my son into the presence of the King. Gently carrying my little lamb to the Great Shepherd.

My passion, to carry children around the world to His throne. Set them down in His presence and go and search for the other lost children.  Yesterday, four girls twirled in worship and danced.  My heart almost burst with joy.

Yet each day it begins. I have a choice. To awaken to my snuggle alarm and capture the day with His grace. What precious moments do you share with the children in your life? Don't let them slip away, cherish them as we lead them into His love.

And as always, I would be crazy honored to have you link up with momma notes.  I jot some on Mondays, but you can link up any day of the week (I get the momma, filled to to the brim, schedules)   Just mom.  Sharing our notes.  Creating a melody.

Simple Steps

Lil princess came into our home, she turned it right side up.  Filling it full with pink giggles and slobbery raspberries.

Despite the utter cuteness,  we realized straight real, we had a road ahead of us.  Lil sweet pea had yet to attach to a caregiver.  So crazy thankful for those who have walked the road of foster or adoption before us and paved the way.

This momma, an admitted snuggle a holic, determined to help this precious bond to bless her life for always.  In our first short weeks, we have learned some simple steps to encourage bonding and are amazed at the results.

1.  Learn the signals.  Become a student of your child, no matter the age.  When are they hungry?  When do they need to sleep?  What makes them grumpy?  Watch for the signals.  Learn them.  Then respond ALWAYS.  This builds their trust in you, a vital block in the foundation of attachment.  (and throw out whatever anyone told you about your precious, learn for yourself as they might have missed the real cues)

2.  Snuggle Baths.  Skin to skin.  It's vital in bonding.  Having an older princess we got a bit creative.  One bath time, I slipped my swimsuit and jumped in.  Momma baths, the new norm.  LIl fish splashes and plays.  I snuggle, rub, and touch.  Bonus - seeing her cute chunky thighs makes me feel a bit better about mine.

3.  Baby Talk Back.   She coos.  She giggles.  She string syllables together.  And now so do I.  With each babble, momma babbles back.  The whole family has gotten in on the action.  We have had entire conversations based solely on raspberries and dadadadadadada.  We are engaging in her world, bonding on her level.

4.  Blue Eye Time.    I've fallen in love with her baby blues and its a blessing.  Eye contact remains a key in bonding.  Every chance I can, changing her diaper, feeding a bottle, picking her up from her nap ... I connect eye to eye.  I make it a point to intentionally look into her baby blues and smile.  At first, she gave me no eye contact back.  Little by little she is connecting.  Thinking there must be a link straight from the eye to the heart.

5.  Rub.  Tickle.  Scratch.  We all know touch is crucial to bonding.  But what touch does sweet princess enjoy the most.  Discover it.  Does your little one like to be massaged?  Or does she prefer a light tickle on her skin?  My 8 year old son drools when I scratch his head.  Each child is different and might not be the same as you.  So, take the time to figure out what type of touch they like best.  (and of course give them tons)

We have just begun our journey to help this precious princess attach.  You would crazy bless me (and her) to share your tips, your ideas, your what worked with you.   Would you take a moment to share with us something that helped you bond with the children in your life?

And Baby Makes Six

Sorry.  I posted a bit late.  Life just slowed down a bit in a beautifully marvelous way.   I'm tired.  I'm ecstatic.   I'm called mom by 6 now.  Thanks for grace.

Our sweet 9 month old princess snuggled up in our home yesterday.  In less than a year our family of 4 has been crazy blessed into a family of 8.    We had our perimeters.  We had our boxes.  We had what we thought would be the path our family would take on this foster journey.

So beyond happy that His Word is true ...

"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." -  Proverbs 19:21

... and that He explodes our man made boxes!

We've splashed a bit of pink into our lives.  Brought home a sweet teenager.  Wrapped up a toddler.  And now, a crawling princess.  13, 11, 8, 5, 2, and baby makes 6.

It's been beyond long since a baby slumbered in our home.  8 years.  So I sit and type, asking this group of mommas for your advice.  Your tips.  Your what I REALLY need.  This tired happy life turned right side up momma could use you.  What was a favorite, a must have, something you remembered from your baby days?  

And as always, I would be splashed happy to have you link up with momma notes.  Anything gloriously mom.  Our notes.  Creating a melody.

PlayDoh Discipleship

oozing love and splattering joy as hands shape globs of colors into creations  

Our foster experience has been one of the most adventurous journeys we have yet to experience as a family.  Learning to love unconditionally, both children and hurting biological parents, living out the gospel in our home, opening every aspect of our lives to be somehow used for His glory ... amazing training.

Honest here, this is hard.  We have loved on kids for years, all over the world, in some crazy hard places.  On the mission field, inner city classrooms, AIDS orphanages, churches, tribal village huts ...  Kids = my passion.  

We have always believed that family is the most radical form of discipleship. Now we have the opportunity to live it.   Each and every day, we see little lives being shaped by His love.  Bumps smoothed out, in their lives and mine.

Like play doh.  Playdoh discipleship.

Hugs o' Chocolate

Lil hands holding some big love

Chocolate gooeyness, a scrumptious reminder that we don't live this life alone.  When crazy hard days hit us upside the head, we are wrapped in love.  God's got us.  And He has helpers to wrap us up too.

Imagine this day.  Serious struggles with a precious princess that needs to be wrapped up in love.  A weary foster momma trying her best, faltering a bit when I attempt the feat on my own.  Then a note from a friend.  The sound of the doorbell ringing loud.  A home made plate of love, delivered straight from a little girls heart (and her momma's) to our precious one.

Yeah, the sweetness filled our mouths and hearts all at the same time.  

(Friends bring such crazy joy ... and you can meet this cookie bearing friend, bless her right back, visit her scrumptious piece of real life blog One Blessed Lady, and thank her for the chocolate hugs)

To Hug & Slap

This week, I stumbled on the path.  The turning point.  Decision time.

Total raw, realness.  I picked up pieces.  A precious pink princess crumbling a bit.  A 4 year old dealing with the past.  A past she never created.   Her sweetness having to carry things little ones should never carry.

I admit it.  I got angry.  Angry at the parents who didn't know how to love.  My emotions bubbled over.  Would I be able to love them?  To really love?  I have always wanted to hug them when we meet, today I felt like slapping instead.  Tough day.

Fuming in my own frustration, I crumpled.  Then I realized, who do we really fight?  And the reason I write my lessons learned in this pool of grace surfaced.  My last post, remember Sarah, remember.

The parents, look past them.   I too have been forgiven much and drenched in lavish grace.   Step into the right battle.  Jesus knew how to fight, who to fight,  making sure to always slap the real enemy.

My response, I scooped up  'lil joy'.  We snuggled up on the comfy couch, cuddled up in cozy warm.  I pushed aside the struggle.  I loved.

Within a few minutes, all wrapped up, she fell asleep.  I could only hold her closer.  Momma Sarah, all wrapped up, I dozed as well.  We both woke up smiling.  I had hugged.  I had slapped.  Slapped the enemy, with a mighty weapon.  Love.

Goodbye Little Boots

Little boots officially transitioned out of our home this morning.  Sweet little precious, leaves with seeds planted deep.  She is a mighty 3 year old prayer warrior that ends her prayers with “thank you God that you have good plans for me.  That you love me, always and forever.  How deep and wide and high. Amen.”

This is the reason I thought I could never foster, letting go.  But His peace is so real and flooding our home.  He has orchestrated for this sweet princess to be with her sister and I am filled with joy instead of tears.

With God all things are possible.  Breathe.  We are bringing home a 13 year old daughter today.  Lil Joy's sister.

Just weeks after Lil Joy came, I heard the small still voice of God leading and asking us to bring her older sister.  I simply responded by asking Him to move the mountains, tucking it all into my heart.  By human standards, simply impossible.

1. We had no room in our foster home or our license.  
2. We were not allowed to foster older children (only to age 12)
3. Our boys did not want older children in the home.
4. My family would think I was crazy for even suggesting it!

I watched as God began to move.  Little boots began to transition to be with her sis, an opening soon in our home.  We met this precious 13 year old.   My youngest asked if she could come to stay.  My oldest agreed.  This momma sat with mouth open wide.   

Our foster license amended in 12 hours.  Anyone who fosters or adopts knows that is simply a miracle!  Most importantly, God has shown my prince and I, at this time, to open our home and hearts to this precious girl and shower her with His love.

On Christmas Eve, she brought me a little gift.  A little mom bracelet with a note saying “I miss a mom.”  God gave her the best gift, as she learned that we were going to bring her here.  No more shelter.  She has a home.  

His love never fails.

Noisy Joy

Our home, embraced noisy joy.

On this momma quest to recapture all things joy and splatter them into my day ... music turned loud.

I used to be constantly singing, dancing, twirling, humming ... when the music stopped seeping from my me, joy dwindled.   And a little 4 year old brought it back.

Precious pink in our lives, has a gift for worship.  She can remember a song, heard only once.  Walk into a joy zapped room and change the atmosphere with her tune.

When a gloomy day looms, we hop into our van.  Driving along, her song fills the air and our hearts.

Creating  joy jams ... we gathered and put together some of our fave music that ushers us into pure joy as we belt, sing noisy, and dance wild.  Our house is getting a bit noisy.

And its about to get even more gloriously loud ... Any guesses on to what awaits our kids nestled under the Christmas tree?

Would you share your joy tips with me?  What favorite song of yours brings  smile to your heart and joy to your day?  I would love to listen and sing noisy with you.

Smoothie In the Morning

Smoothie Smile

This little grin asks.  She asks every night as we snuggle up, all tucked into bed.
"Will we have our smoothies in the morning."

Yes my sweet princess, I answer before we blow goodnight kisses from the door.  We will have our smoothie in the morning.

In honesty, I thought I would be the one teaching.  In this adventure of fostering, everythings turned upside down, really right side up.  And I am the learner.

A four year old, in simple child like faith, only needs to know, to be reassured that I will be there in the morning.  Her question has nothing to do with the kale banana smoothie she devours with me each day.  But rather, assurance that the day will start with Momma Sarah.

She endured more than I could fathom before sipping smoothies with me.  So many questions for her future bubble up in my mind.  I may never know her story.  I may not even have her next week for our smoothie time.  But all she needs to know is one thing ...  Will we have our smoothies in the morning.

My heart opens wide and I learn from her simplistic trusting. I too have so many questions.  My own story unfolding.  I cannot know for certain what my next week may hold.  Maybe I can simply ask "Abba will you be there with me tomorrow?"   I know the answer and it changes everything.

"Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you.  Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul."  - Psalm 143:8

A Song for Momma

Jesus loves me.
Yes it's true.
He loves me and He loves you.
He loves children just like me.
And I am His for eternity.

Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
He loves me, oh so much.

Because sometimes we all need to hear Jesus loves me.  Okay.  maybe sometimes this momma needs to sing it every night, every single night.

Two sleepy little princesses who have carried pain that no child should have to bare.  They ask to sing every night.  We wrap our arms up, wrap up tight in God's love.  We sing.  I hold both little hands.

To reach both pumpkins as we sing, I have to stay on my knees.  Yep, that is where I need to be.  On my knees.  Praying God's plans for their lives.  God's plan to prosper them and give them a hope and a future.  Praying God's protection over their lives.  Reminding them and this momma Sarah that He is their shield and He will protect them.

Singing this little ditty, packed with promise.  Changes their fears into joy.  Changes this momma heavy with the crazy day of foster love, and special need kids, and homeschool duties, and balancing all this joy called life.

Because when the day is done.  Isn't this what really matters.

Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
Yes, Jesus loves me.
He loves me, oh so much!

Pinkify

In the matter of a few days, I went from a momma of 2, to 4.  Splashing a bit of pink in our lives, two little princesses came into our home.   And I am beautifully wrecked.

A dream into reality ... waiting for God's perfect timing ... And His perfect plan.  We are now a foster family, opening our home and lives to share God's love with precious little ones.

I knew I would love it.  We all knew.  But little did we know how much.  This is it.  Pure joy.

1 am phone calls to open our home.  Rocking tiny ones whose lives have been turned upside down.    Wiping tears and holding close when brown eyes ask "Sarah, can you find my mommy?"  Cleaning stairs when an explosive diaper and our bumpy stairs game collided.    A small hand slipped in mine.   Pink bows.

My hubby opened up HIs Bible, reading and chuckling aloud to me the morning after our pink invasion.  Reading ...

"Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it."  - Hebrews 13:2

Without a doubt, we have two precious pink angels twirling in our home.