Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Shards of Broken

My God is good.  No. Matter. What.

It's easy to believe when life glistens streaming brilliantly through the perfect window pane.  When the window pane smashes into thousands of shards and you stand in the midst of broken.  Will you still believe?  No. Matter. What.

Scooping up pieces of broken.  Feebly trying to put the pieces back together.  Slivered glass makes your fingers bleed.  When the situation completely shattered mocks you as you stand.  Will you still believe? No. Matter. What.

I whisper this to myself today as I kneel in the midst of broken.  Broken beyond what I could ever comprehend.   There is nothing I can do.  Nothing in my own strength.  When all you can cry out  "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you" (2 Chron 20:12)   Will you still believe?  No. Matter. What.

Standing in the midst of broken.  Keeping your eyes on Him.  Setting down the broken shards and lifting your hands in praise.  Believing He is good. No. Matter. What.

My God, He's not in the window life smashing business.  And when you stand in the midst of the broken, He stands with you.  When you scoop up the glass shards and bleed because you try to put all the pieces back together on your own, He heals you.  When you have nothing left and the tears run dry, He strengthens you.  When you have no idea where to step, He leads you.  When you simply crumple, He holds you.

The thief comes to steal, kill, destroy, and shatter.  Jesus came to give us life, beautiful amazing, beyond what we could ever ask or imagine life.   Even in the midst of this broken.  I will believe.  My God is good.  No. Matter.  What.

Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Your Story Through Mine

The stories shout loud.  Encourage.  Build up.  But the final chapters were always written before the story published. 

What if?  What if someone walking  through the darkest time of her life.  Walking, clinging, crying out, holding on for dear life to her Jesus, wrote.  Picked up a pen and bravely shared the story before the final chapter came into existence.  In the middle of the ick, the vomit of the enemy all over her life.  A woman choosing to dance in the victory now ... but not seeing it with her own eyes, yet.

Craziness.  Transparency.  Messy faith.  

Can God pour out His glory through anything?  Can I splash others with how God is carrying, lifting, providing, filling in the midst of the all that surrounds me?  Can His story unfolding in my life, bring peace to another drifting in a storm of their own?

Some may call it absurd.  To open up my life wide.  Before the hope I cling to becomes reality.  If my story reflects HIs glory before the final chapter is written.  If realness enables just one person to cling to His promises, stand strong, let nothing move them ... 

Breathe deep Sarah.  Pick up your pen.  Crack open the book.  Abba, author of life, lavish Your love and write Your story through mine.  

Monday, June 23, 2014

Butterfly Wings

These precious girls, they come.  Fragile.  Precious.  Pure Beauty.  Our butterflies.

Opening our home wide, our family.  They soar straight to my momma heart.   They have weathered hard journeys and foster care brings them to our garden.

In the past year, I have written less.  Lived more.  Adding four precious butterflies to our garden, time dwindles.  Floors get dingy.  Dust gathers.  Laundry multiplies.  Joy explodes.

Anne Voskamp grabbed the syllables lingering in my heart and penned them "How we open up our calendars and our doors and our schedules and our agendas and make room for people, because it is how we make room for God."

I long to make more room for my God.  Til he fills every nook of our home and every cranny of my heart.

My perfectly clean house has vanished.  Homeschool lesson plans have lost a bit of luster.  Meals have simplified beyond belief.  Toys have declared war.  But in the midst of the evident chaos, giggles erupt.  Lil princesses wrapped up in God's love, sing Jesus loves me to each other.  They twirl.  They worship.  They smile down deep.

Our butterflies.

Monday, September 30, 2013

Formula Hunting

Today's formula ... Phenomenal Friends + Encouragement = Happy Momma.  And this momma is crazy blessed with Alanda for a friend.  She's one of those ladies who exudes encouragement and has spurred me on to be a better me just by being around her.  Delighted to share her with you today.  
I love formulas. I love 2 + 2 = 4 and if I do This + This = I will always get That. I remember reading a few parenting books while pregnant with my oldest and thinking that I would end with an excellent child if I did all the right things. My child would never cry, because I had the right tools, and never disobey because I knew how to discipline.  It was going to be wonderful. That bubble took about... three hours of actually being a parent, to burst.

As it turns out, our oldest came into this world having never read the parenting books. The books were not written about my children, nor had they factored in my flaws as a parent. They were good, they were written by wise people, and there were certainly gems to be gleaned.  However, they had never actually met my child. It turns out, no one can, or should, parent just like a book.

I cried out to God a lot as a new parent. I was tired and felt like an utter failure. I learned quickly, I had no idea what I was doing and I was in way over my head.  It was during this time of brokenness that I learned to listen, trust and walk with God during my parenting adventure. When you fully realize that you can’t, that’s when God can step in and say “But I can.” Over the years I've learned more and more to rely on Jesus to help me as a parent. I've learned:

He made me, He made my kids, He has the answers that no one else does.

There are no absolutes in parenting. There are no sure fire ways to have the perfect kid. Breathe easy, it’s ok; no one was meant to be the perfect parent. After all, if we were perfect, they wouldn't need a savior. So after all these years, what I have learned to realize is: I don’t know, and then I pray.  No one has all the answers, we aren't meant to. We were made to walk with God all the time. We were created to spend time with our creator. Parenting is no exception.

So Mom or Dad, pray for your kids! Pray for them to love the Lord. Pray that you would have wisdom as a parent. When you are at the end of your rope and need a solution, the Lord will meet you right where you are. He brings beautiful solutions in a million different ways. Sometimes an idea will come to me while I am praying. Sometimes it will be a wise friend who says just the words I needed to hear. Sometimes He speaks directly to my kids, and they will come to me with the answer… and sometimes I will read it on a blog :)

And as always, I would be crazy honored to have you link up with momma notes.  I jot some on Mondays, but you can link up any day of the week (I get the momma, filled to to the brim, schedules)   Just mom.  Sharing our notes.  Creating a melody.

Monday, September 16, 2013

A Momma For Today

I used to worry.  Kind of like a pig stuck in the mud, I wallowed around in the muck of worry and anxiety.  I can say that.  I lived it.  It stunk.

Then something crazy amazing happened in my life.  Four precious princesses walked through the door of our home straight into my heart.  13, 5, 5 and almost 1 (tomorrow).  My life turned upside down, right side up.

As foster momma to these precious girls, I have no idea what tomorrow may hold.  "How long will they be with our family?"  People ask all the time, meaning well, and I have no answer.  Maybe another day, a few more months, a year, this momma heart has no way of knowing.

Straight up in the midst of a year of battling to know.  of dealing with the uncertainty of it all.  of worry trying to hold tight to my heart.  God washed it all away with this ...

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own."  - Matthew 6:34

In all honesty, I knew this verse, highlighted like a rainbow, knew this verse.  I could quote it. sing it.  talk about it.  But when I read it in the midst of our foster adventure this year, it took root and I began to live it.

My girls need a momma for today.

A momma for today, to change diapers, fold laundry, and scrub pots.

A momma for today, to hug them, sing with them, and tuck them in at night.

A momma for today, to wipe runny noses, kiss skinned knees, and give extra snuggles.

Tomorrow will come.  I'll be ready for that day.  But my home simply needs a momma for today.  And that I can do.

And as always, I would be crazy honored to have you link up with momma notes.  I jot some on Mondays, but you can link up any day of the week (I get the momma, filled to to the brim, schedules)   Just mom.  Sharing our notes.  Creating a melody.