Too Much and Not Enough

"May God Himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."

- 1 Thess 5:23-24

Past failures scream, mocking my today. Sarah, you are too much, too much work, too much emotion, too much for anyone.

The fiery darts singe my soul.

You are not enough, not good enough, not pretty enough, not enough for anyone.

In my confusion and pain, where can I turn? The lies hid my heart from everyone. I close my eyes, silence my thoughts, and cry out from my being. With a childlike hesitancy, I ask my Abba Father, crawling in His arms "Am I enough for you?"

I cringe expecting the worst, the lie is deep. With soothing words of healing oil, my Abba pours his love into my heart, dripping of my true value and worth. Tears of joy wash away the pain streaks on the window of my life.

He doesn't stop there. He has some roots to remove. Holding my hand and my heart, He leads me to where the seeds were planted and where I first believed them. In that fateful moment, He spoke His words of truth, dispelling the lie.

He delights in me. On the day I was born, He rejoiced over me, singing His song of love and He has never stopped. I am His Sarah Dawn. I am never too much. I am just enough.

Since that day, I am free. The lie is gone. The voice of truth has spoken over my life. I will choose to listen and believe. I can hear the sweet melody as He sings even now.

Pieces of My Heart

"Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage .... They go from strength to strength, til each appears before God in Zion." - Psalm 84

My heart is set on pilgrimage. I have given my heart to Him and He is leading. Everywhere we serve I feel the heartbeat of heaven, and I leave a piece of my mine.

In an indigenous village of huts and mud, with giggles and bubbles the Embera children captured a piece of my heart. Our children splashed in the river, ran barefoot on the rocks, slept on the wooden hut floors, shared life and the cultural differences melted away.

On the dusty windswept paths of Kenya, an AIDS orphan named Peter grabbed another piece. God used his life to change mine. We couldn't bring him home, but he opened our hearts to adoption.

Walking through the filth and trash, sharing God's love in the dumps of Honduras the joy of the children, despite the horrendous conditions captivated yet another piece. The hope of Christ shines brightly in her eyes, the only hope for this life that takes a child from the muck and reveals the jewel hidden inside.

The Ngobe, considered the forgotten of Panama snuck a piece while I wasn't looking. We continue to go back and share the hope of Jesus with these precious people, even while living in a different country. Their culture, their joy, the preciousness of the children, simply scream of a Creator passionate to reach His children.

I willingly gave a piece to the abandoned and unadoptable orphans in Thailand. Considered the refuse of the country to many, these precious children worship their Abba Daddy with pure joy and childlike faith. What the enemy meant to destroy them, God used to bring them into a relationship with Him. The orphans, part of the small percentage in Thailand that truly know their Father.

My heart continues to be given away, in life, in love, in joy, to the children of Costa Rica. They bless me more than anyone can imagine.

Yes, my heart belongs to the children of the world. I have set my heart on pilgrimage. When I reach my final destination on this beautiful path of faith, may I blow bubbles, giggle, and rejoice with all of them before God in Zion.

Tend My Garden

"Do not stare at me because I am dark, because I am darkened by the sun.

My mother’s sons were angry with me and made me take care of the

vineyards; my own vineyard I have neglected."

-Song of Solomon 1:6

A night of worship and true revelation awaited me. You spoke into my life through a precious youth.

As she shared, Your words came directly from Your throne to my heart. The picture of the Song

of Solomon maiden came to mind. I am that maiden.

You are calling me to tend my garden. Then, my missing journal, a piece of my soul drove me

to seach, alone. Alone with just you is where you long for me. Speaking words of love, you revealed

the neglect in our garden.

I have placed more value in giving, cultivating and planting in others' gardens while mine lies dormant

and neglected. You invited me to tend my garden again. Cultivate and prune my children, the delicate

sprouting seedlings. Nurture and uphold my husband, the oak of righteousness. Water and weed the

delicate flowers of talents You planted in my life.

In our garden, it is a time for weeding. Weeding out the selfishness, the me cries from my heart.

Weeding out the plans I have that crowd your perfect plans for our life. Weeding out the small

idols that are threatening to overtake the seeds you planted.

In our garden, it is a time for pruning. Cutting away any dead and decaying part of my life that

hinders me from producing fruit.

In our garden, it is a time for cultivating. Enriching the soil of my heart as I soak more in You.

Preparing my heart for the dream seeds you desire to grow and flourish. Cultivating intimacy with You

where we can just linger together, in our garden.

My heart's desire has changed. May my garden emit a holy fragrance, an aroma pleasing to you. And

may I learn from the Master Gardener himself.

(the journal entry 10/08 that kindled a love for His garden in my life)

Questioning

"The Lord is good, for His mercy, tender kindness and steadfast love endure forever." -Jeremiah 33:11

His goodness never changes. It cannot be revoked, even in the midst of questioning.

This week, I questioned. I cried. I ran into His arms and ran away. At the center of the tornado, amidst the swirling emotions, a deep question. Is my God always good?

Always good to me? Always good as He leads our family on the mission field? Always good as I question? Always good .... always?

My life, the proof this week, that yes, He is always good. Despite my tantrum and torrent of emotions, He covered me with mercy and understanding. The harsh ramblings of my fear he tenderly covered with His kindness. As I pulled away with frustration, He gathered me in His arms wrapping me in His steadfast love.

Yes, my Lord is good even when I am far from it. His goodness surpasses everything I can imagine and wraps me tightly in His grace. He is good even when I question, when I cry out to Him, when I take my frustrations and concerns to His throne. He is my Abba Daddy. He holds me when I cry. He forgives me when I doubt. He calls me His Sarah Dawn and I can rest in His goodness, for it endures forever and always.

Dig Them Up!

God entrusts His children with priceless treasure. He lovingly deposits each bit of glistening gold in our lives. As the gold glitters and shines, the treasure reflects His glory. We've been given a gift and yet so many times we bury it, in fear, in worry, in unbelief, in circumstances.

This heavenly treasure, the talents and giftings God has uniquely designed and placed in us.

I am in the process of digging, asking the Lord to uncover the talents I have buried. He desires all of our giftings to be used for His glory. To sparkle and shine in a dark world.

Every gift, yes every gift. A fellow YWAM missionary worked in a bakery for years. He uses his talent to bake fresh bread to share with the homeless at night. Can you see the glimmer?

A full time homeschooling mom of 8 uses her creative skills to design blogs for a donation to an adoption fund to bring more children home. She sparkles for her King.

As a missionary mommy, a talent for ministry in my home is emerging. We're bringing home 2 little ones from Ethiopia to reflect His grace.

I wonder, how many talents still lie buried in my heart. It's time to start diggin! This blog is a shovel in my life, digging up a love of writing that I buried in insecurities.

Dear friends, this world needs your precious treasure. Share all of your talents, invest them in His kingdom and earn eternal dividends. And don't worry if you have some digging to do. Getting a little dirty is worth it for His glory!

Little Boy, Big Splash!

Daddy sharing from God's Word

Son sharing from his heart

The hug that waited for his big brother

What words could I possibly use to express my heart. I have none. I will let my Joshua's own words splash you today, the words he shared with 65 loved ones who came to celebrate this special day with him.

Hola! My name is Joshua and I'm 7. I live in Costa Rica with my family. We're missionaries.

I have a strong relationship with Jesus. I love him. I talk to him. He speaks to me and I hear his voice. And he loves me.

I will follow Jesus my whole life. Because he's the son of God and I'm going to do what God tells me in the Bible. (this part he actually sang as we memorize verses to music) "For God loved the world so much, that he gave his one and only son. Anyone who believes in him will not die, but will have eternal life." - John 3:16

The Bible is my favorite book. My favorite books in the Bible are Joshua, 1 Samuel and 2 Samuel. I have read all of the gospels and Acts. I stopped in Romans because there are hardly any stories. So now, I'm reading all different parts of the Old Testament. There's a lot of good stories there.

I asked to be baptized because I want to follow Jesus with all my heart, soul, body and strength. So I want to do what Jesus did and be baptized.

I'm saying to the whole world that I'm going to live for Jesus, my whole life.

Thank you for coming to celebrate this wonderful day with me. I'm really excited.

For those unable to come, we wanted to share a little video we made and shared at his baptism celebration to highlight the amazing ways God has already used our Joshua's life.