Monday, December 14, 2009

No More Leaves

Just like Eve, I have worn a wardrobe of leaves. Sewn stitch by stitch to cover my shame and nakedness. I'm tired of the itchy leaves. I'm exhausted from having to make flimsy covering, constantly hiding.

Leaves, walls I've built to protect myself. Covering myself with things I can do. A leaf to cover the inadequacy I feel in my heart. Works, a flimsy leaf. A leaf of religion, doing, saying, being the right things to cover my fear of true intimacy with the Lord. Leaves of control, everywhere, filling my crude garment. If I can control, everything will be safe. My deepest fears will never surface. I will never have to completely trust in a living God.

This garment of leaves fails me. I renounce it today. Surrendering my shabby garment to His hands. No longer hiding behind the leaves of false covering to separate myself and hide my nakedness. A robe of righteousness dripped in crimson blood awaits me. How could I possibly choose the leaves I have sewn with shaking hands over the garment He stitched for me with scarred ones?

In all honesty, I don't know what it will feel like to be uncovered and truly transparent before my King. No longer hiding. Wrapped in His unfailing love and nothing else. Excitement, a twinge of fear, uncertainty. Yet on this journey to truly knowing Him, He has never turned His back or let me slip from His hands. He has only held me, Sarah Dawn. Finally, just me.
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